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One Family's Experience
(THE
PARENTS)
Tough love' That is what we have had to display as we
have dealt with a son with a homosexual orientation.
A child often says, if you love me, you'll say yes."
In other words, he equates love with getting his own
way. Later on in life he will try to manipulate God the same way,
for it does not seem to him that God can be loving and
yet deny him something he wants very badly.
Our
son brought home a book for us to read one day. It was
the story of a mothers attempt to make peace with her
son's homosexual Lifestyle. We read the book
prayerfully
and thoughtfully. We were grateful for the compassion
this woman demonstrated as she opened her heart and
life up to homosexuals. We were impressed with the diligence
she portrayed in studying the issues and seeking for
wholeness within herself. But it soon became apparent
that in her desire to be loving and accepting of her
son and his lover, she was willing to bend the Scriptures
to fit the situation.
This
is the same issue, isn't it? "If this is what I
want, surely God will let me have it, for He is loving,'
we rationalize. Yet Deuteronomy 10:13 states, "...observe
the Lord's commands and decrees...for your own good."
Out of his love he gave us decrees to protect us and
bring us good, not evil; joy, not pain; peace, not turmoil.
And
so, after we had affirmed our love for our son and reminded
him that our home would always be open to him and his
friends, we informed him that we could not bless any
sexual union apart from a heterosexual manage. This
was hard for him to hear, for he had wanted us to react
to him as this mother had to her son. It was hard for
us to say, for there was the risk that he would go away
angry and sever ties with us completely. But we could
not compromise what we feel the Bible says just to
give
our son what he wanted.
Tough
love? Yes, I believe so. But it has made a solid foundation
for him in our modern world where morals and values,
like sand, are constantly shifting and sinking.
(THE SON)
I had had it. Finally! I was tired of feeling bad while
tying to live as if being gay was just another way of
life. I had, after all, been like this for as long as
I can remember having sexual feeling, right? I thought
it couldn't be bad because l had not chosen It.
But
it was bad. It never worked like it was supposed to
and I was miserable. Finally, I could not avoid the
persistent inner voice that kept telling me to try to
find the real answer - there had to be a better one.
Despite
my anger that others thought that I should be "healed"
of my problem (I didn't think I was sick), I tried a
Joshua Fellowship meeting (the men's support group of
OUTPOST). It was there that I found something that I
had not had for a long time: HOPE! I was not born a
homosexual. I had some very specific problems in my
life that had stalled the gender identification process
and my homosexual orientation was only a symptom. These
were things that I could understand and name: envy,
fear, bitterness, self-pity. I could consider my actions
or feelings, find their roots, and then find healing
and forgiveness.
I
had been tricked! I was so busy pointing the finger
at societal injustice toward persons with a homosexual
orientation that I didn't notice that the real issue
had nothing to do with sex. I had to admit that there
were other attitudes and behaviors in my life that were
directly contrary to the word of God, but I was ignoring
them while I worked on the "big" problem.
Besides, I was mad at God. It seemed that He was the
one who had set me up to be attracted to men and then
forbade me to act on that attraction.
God
showed me through those weekly Joshua meetings that
there was a difference between my homosexual orientation
and homosexual activity. I was not responsible for my
orientation, but I would have to avoid sexual sin like
everyone else. And it didn't end there. I am also responsible
for taking the initiative to form healthy male relationships
so I can find the gender identity that God has for me.
from
Eagles' Wings
North Heights Lutheran Church
Arden Hills, MN 55112
(612)754-0420
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